Summer has always been my least favorite season. I'm sure there are a few gasps out there and you're thinking...how can someone not like the warm summer season. Well, I don't. Never have. I think a lot of it has to do with growing up in a trailer where using any form of air cooler was not allowed. Yes, it is true, we were not even allowed to use fans in our house. Living in a metal box was bad enough but add to that the usual humid weather of West Virginia and the stifling heat without any movement and you have a recipe for disaster. I won't go into the dysfunctional aspects of why we were not allowed to use a fan because that is part of my weekly therapy! Honestly, though, it was horrible. Add to that mowing a yard that was nothing but hills with a push mower and there you have my summers growing up. Grooming our yard growing up was something out of a torture 101 book. Lonnie and I were basically tortured for a complete day - from morning until nightfall. It began with mowing, which was my job, being the oldest. Next came trimming (with hand held trimmers) and raking - Lonnie's job. I love my brother, but back then, he was slower than molasses in January at raking. I know he hated it as much as I did but I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose because neither of us could quit until the whole yard was done. Of course there was inspection time, too. I hated trimming. I would be on my hands and knees for what seemed like hours trimming around every single tree, rock, fence line, porch, etc. All the while, Lonnie would be making hundreds of piles of grass throughout the yard. After he was done raking then he had to use the wheelbarrow to pick up those piles and take them to an area on either end of our huge yard and pile them up in the areas on the hill that we let go wild. Of course there were the occasional times when we would pile the wheelbarrow too high and it would come falling out while we were traversing one of the many hills. I hated this job more than anything else. Let me paint an even brighter picture for you (note the sarcasm). I am of Irish and Scottish descent. I have light hair (blondish/red when I was younger) and am pale. I mean the kind of pale that doesn't tan. I burn, peel and then turn bright white again. There are parts of my body (legs and stomach) that will not tan at all - or even burn much. They literally reflect the sun back! With that information, you can imagine how well I handled the hot, summer sun beating down on me. Not well! Did I mention that even though the rest of me would be mostly white the back of my neck would burn like dry leaves in a forest fire! It was painful. I don't sweat heavily either - never have. I glisten! ha. Really, I do. So, I would get sick. I mean really sick. There would be nausea, dizziness and in some cases fainting. Looking back I'm sure I suffered from heat stroke. Of course having a father who would not let us in the house because he was convinced that I was faking it didn't help. I honestly think he just wanted us away from him. It was awful. Are you getting the picture now?
Well, my summers over the years haven't improved much. I don't hate them as much because as I went out on my own I made sure I found better ways to keep myself cool. I cannot sleep in hot weather. If I'm hot, I will just lay there and swelter. During my days in college I lived in an apartment complex that was supposed to have air conditioning but honestly, it hardly worked. I did have a good friend whose apartment was on the bottom floor and it seemed to be much better down there. I did have some nice summers with my friends out West.
Today, summer has become something of a difficult season. Without fail, the last several years has brought many trials during the summer months. So, there still isn't much of a reason to like summer. I'm always glad when I can begin to see September coming. Even though it is still technically summer through most of September, I consider it Fall/Autumn. I have to - that is how I get through August. September brings my birthday, too.
This brings me to the "blues" part of my title. I turn 44 in a few weeks. I love the number 44. I always have. I remember being four years old and having a sweatshirt with the number 44 on it. I have always liked the number 4 for some reason. It just looks like a nice number, doesn't it? Well, being 44 and liking the number are two completely different things. By this age I expected to have at least one Academy Award on my mantle and a slew of great movies or television shows behind me. I'm not even close. Never have been. My dream was washed out years ago. I guess I'm having a mid-life crisis along with everything else. Joy. Not! You do begin to access your life at certain points and boy do I fail miserably. People often want me to come to reunions or to family get togethers. I think...what for? I have nothing of interest to share in my life. I've done nothing. I really hate my job. I want to find something else really badly but it's a hard time for anyone to find work. I thought this job would be a beginning for me of better things. It hasn't. I think it's just me. See, the blues are not fun. When people sing the blues, they are singing because if they didn't, they would want to kill themselves! Feeling horrible about yourself is one thing but having the blues on top of it is really dangerous. Summer and the blues - what a combination. Hopefully Fall will bring with it some new things. I can only hope. I haven't really gone into great detail here and I won't because, well, to be honest, I don't want to. I've been accused of writing long posts anyway, and this one is already headed that way so I'll just say that I have the blues. For such a nice color, blue is a really awful emotion. I wanted to say something wise and meaningful in this post but my brain fails me. I guess the point is, life has its ups and downs. I'm ready for my ups.
To top it all off, this summer I've begun needing bifocals to read at work! Life is just full of surprises and crap!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Are we this boring or has it just been so busy the last nearly 4 months???
I am not sure if we are boring or busy...however, life keeps right on going whether we are ready or not.
We have enjoyed reading everyone's blog. Don't give up on us...there will be something to say soon. Love ya!
And keep smiling! I do...it certainly beats crying...
We have enjoyed reading everyone's blog. Don't give up on us...there will be something to say soon. Love ya!
And keep smiling! I do...it certainly beats crying...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
"Grey Gahdens"
Yesterday I watched a movie on HBO entitled "Grey Gardens". It starred Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange as the Bouvier-Beales. They were a mother and daughter who ended up living together for most of their lives at their family home called Grey Gardens - located in East Hampton, New York. "Big" Edie (Edith Bouvier Beales) was the paternal Aunt to Jackie Kennedy Onassis and "Little" Edie (Edith) was her first cousin. Jacqueline Onassis actually spent many childhood summers at this famous house with her aunt and cousins. "Big" Edie, as she was known, had two sons as well. Her sons went on to live without much contact with their mother and sister after their father's death. The Maysle Brothers made a documentary of these two women and their home in September and October 1973. You can go on Youtube and view some of the excerpts. They are so intriguing. The story has also been made into a Tony award winning Broadway musical with the fantastic Christine Ebersole winning Best Actress in a musical for her performance as "Little" Edie. She actually plays the mother in the beginning of the show, too.
I think the reason the story is so fascinating is that it depicts two people who basically had it all at one time and then resigned themselves to living a reclusive life by themselves in this vast house. Unfortunately the house and property grew into squalor and the house became infested with cats, racoons and fleas. The Beales fed the animals and made a life with all of them. Their exchanges in conversation are enjoyable and border on the psychophrenic. I do believe that both women suffered from some form of mental illness or mental handicap. However, they were happy in their own way with one another. They lived in the past. They talked incessisently about their desires for fame through singing and dancing. Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange did incredible jobs at showing these two women through time. You grow to love them without really knowing why. I think it's because they are all of us.
By that, I mean that at some point any of us could lapse into what they were like. Just stop cleaning a little - stop caring about running around - stop worrying about what other's think - stop caring about fashion or whatever is the latest thing. Remove yourself from friends and other family and you're there. It's not that far of a journey. It's scary, but there are very fine threads of life in these two people. They don't fully comprehend what they've become. To them, in some small way, they are still who they were. They just have more stuff.
I love this story. I can't explain it. It's not really a happy story and it left me feeling melancholy, which Cherie said I didn't need more of! However, it did make me think and I like that. It made me think of how easy it would be to just stop everything. Let the world move around you instead of you moving with it. It's just fascinating to me. These two women were privileged in every sense of the word at one time. They had the best connections, money and the ability to feed their own narcissism. Time caught up with them and life dealt them a harsh blow, but they kept on going. They made the best of their situations. They were not trained to do housework or keep up a garden or lawn. They had servants and when the money ran out, so did the care for those things. They survived on mostly ice cream, which was, for them, a celebration. I know to many this sounds bleak, but remember that they were happy or content with where they were. They still had some dreams - at least "Little" Edie did, but she knew she was supposed to be there with her mother. One quote from the documentary is..."She's a lot of fun...I hope mother doesn't die." They loved one another. They did argue and had disagreements, but through it all these two women loved each other. That's the underlying story here. If you get a chance, watch this movie or watch the clips on line from the documentary. Or, if you get the chance, see the musical - or even better do all three! I have been touched by these ladies. I somehow miss them without ever having known them. "Big" Edie died in 1977 and "Little" Edie in 2002. Little Edie sold the house after her mother's death with the clause that the house not be demolished. It has now been completely restored and you can also see that on Youtube. It's a beautiful old house that sits very close to the ocean.
I often feel like the world moves around me. There is always something new coming along that I don't know about. There is always some new technology that is created that I can't do. I don't text. I have a pay-as-you-go cell phone, which I hardly use. I do use the computer at work, but honestly am not what I would consider literate with all that there is to do with one. This day and age can make you feel like you're being left in the dust all the time. It can be frightening and intimidating. Sometimes it's nice to see that life can be slower. Even when the documentary was done in 1973, life was slower. It's so fast now. We are hustling and bustling here and there. Everyone has to keep up with the lastest fad or newest trend. I can't keep up. I just can't. It's tiring to me. Sometimes I wonder when it will all stop. For now, I enjoy things that remind me of those times when it was slower and things were simpler. Maybe it's age that does that to you? I'm not that old, but I miss some of those things.
Oh, the reason I spelled the name of this post "gahdens" is because the Beales had a very Northeaster accent where they dropped their "r's". I thought it appropriate.
I think the reason the story is so fascinating is that it depicts two people who basically had it all at one time and then resigned themselves to living a reclusive life by themselves in this vast house. Unfortunately the house and property grew into squalor and the house became infested with cats, racoons and fleas. The Beales fed the animals and made a life with all of them. Their exchanges in conversation are enjoyable and border on the psychophrenic. I do believe that both women suffered from some form of mental illness or mental handicap. However, they were happy in their own way with one another. They lived in the past. They talked incessisently about their desires for fame through singing and dancing. Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange did incredible jobs at showing these two women through time. You grow to love them without really knowing why. I think it's because they are all of us.
By that, I mean that at some point any of us could lapse into what they were like. Just stop cleaning a little - stop caring about running around - stop worrying about what other's think - stop caring about fashion or whatever is the latest thing. Remove yourself from friends and other family and you're there. It's not that far of a journey. It's scary, but there are very fine threads of life in these two people. They don't fully comprehend what they've become. To them, in some small way, they are still who they were. They just have more stuff.
I love this story. I can't explain it. It's not really a happy story and it left me feeling melancholy, which Cherie said I didn't need more of! However, it did make me think and I like that. It made me think of how easy it would be to just stop everything. Let the world move around you instead of you moving with it. It's just fascinating to me. These two women were privileged in every sense of the word at one time. They had the best connections, money and the ability to feed their own narcissism. Time caught up with them and life dealt them a harsh blow, but they kept on going. They made the best of their situations. They were not trained to do housework or keep up a garden or lawn. They had servants and when the money ran out, so did the care for those things. They survived on mostly ice cream, which was, for them, a celebration. I know to many this sounds bleak, but remember that they were happy or content with where they were. They still had some dreams - at least "Little" Edie did, but she knew she was supposed to be there with her mother. One quote from the documentary is..."She's a lot of fun...I hope mother doesn't die." They loved one another. They did argue and had disagreements, but through it all these two women loved each other. That's the underlying story here. If you get a chance, watch this movie or watch the clips on line from the documentary. Or, if you get the chance, see the musical - or even better do all three! I have been touched by these ladies. I somehow miss them without ever having known them. "Big" Edie died in 1977 and "Little" Edie in 2002. Little Edie sold the house after her mother's death with the clause that the house not be demolished. It has now been completely restored and you can also see that on Youtube. It's a beautiful old house that sits very close to the ocean.
I often feel like the world moves around me. There is always something new coming along that I don't know about. There is always some new technology that is created that I can't do. I don't text. I have a pay-as-you-go cell phone, which I hardly use. I do use the computer at work, but honestly am not what I would consider literate with all that there is to do with one. This day and age can make you feel like you're being left in the dust all the time. It can be frightening and intimidating. Sometimes it's nice to see that life can be slower. Even when the documentary was done in 1973, life was slower. It's so fast now. We are hustling and bustling here and there. Everyone has to keep up with the lastest fad or newest trend. I can't keep up. I just can't. It's tiring to me. Sometimes I wonder when it will all stop. For now, I enjoy things that remind me of those times when it was slower and things were simpler. Maybe it's age that does that to you? I'm not that old, but I miss some of those things.
Oh, the reason I spelled the name of this post "gahdens" is because the Beales had a very Northeaster accent where they dropped their "r's". I thought it appropriate.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sun?
Today is Sunday. The beginning of another week. It is the last day of the weekend. It has been warm. The leaves are out on even the bigger trees now. We have a tree that is just in front of our patio. It is so lonely when it has no leaves. It is beautiful with new leaves coming and shades the patio just perfectly in the late Spring, Summer and Fall. I love our apartment. I miss home sometimes...however, I keep remembering all the memories. They have come with us. I miss the people tho. I lived around some of the neighbors for all but about 11 years of my life. It is sad. There isn't even time in the day to visit anymore.
I have been doing geneology. I have found alot of information. It is exciting to me. There have been many notes and comments about the visiting and singing. I miss that with my dad, mom and sisters. I miss the times we had with my grandpa and grandma Frey. We always had somewhere to go on holidays and felt needed. It was great. I love my family.
Mom comes home today. We went to Kirtland for 2 and half days for Jeff's job so mom stayed with Denise. Kirtland was very nice. We saw the sights and enjoyed the evenings together. He learned things and I felt at peace in the hotel and around Mentor and Kirtland Ohio. It was a nice couple of days. I don't have a camera. I didn't get any pictures. If you want to see how it looked...it was amazing...it looked just like it looked in all of the pictures I had always seen. The temple, however, looked a bit bigger than I was expecting. It really was a pretty good size for their first endeavor. So if you can't go then look online for the information on Kirtland...it is the next best thing to being there...:)
Anyway, Mom is coming home. She has been a stinker at Denise's. I am so sad. Jeff had a dream that she went kicking and screaming, swearing and saying all kinds of hateful things, when being put into a nursing home. It is getting time. Isn't it odd how someone can be quite wonderful physically and their mind just leaves them? Alzheimer's has left my mom a completely different person. There is no understanding this disease...just patience and acceptance. I am still working on both of those!
Well, all is well. The kitties made it through the little vacation from us with flying colors. We were all so excited to be back together.
Hallelujah to ya!!!!! Cindy used to say that all the time when she was happy or excited about something.
I saw some sandels on sale in the advertisements this weekend. They were quite a good price. I wanted to call all of my nieces and nephews and get sizes and buy them some! I wish we could do more. We sure love them.
I have been doing geneology. I have found alot of information. It is exciting to me. There have been many notes and comments about the visiting and singing. I miss that with my dad, mom and sisters. I miss the times we had with my grandpa and grandma Frey. We always had somewhere to go on holidays and felt needed. It was great. I love my family.
Mom comes home today. We went to Kirtland for 2 and half days for Jeff's job so mom stayed with Denise. Kirtland was very nice. We saw the sights and enjoyed the evenings together. He learned things and I felt at peace in the hotel and around Mentor and Kirtland Ohio. It was a nice couple of days. I don't have a camera. I didn't get any pictures. If you want to see how it looked...it was amazing...it looked just like it looked in all of the pictures I had always seen. The temple, however, looked a bit bigger than I was expecting. It really was a pretty good size for their first endeavor. So if you can't go then look online for the information on Kirtland...it is the next best thing to being there...:)
Anyway, Mom is coming home. She has been a stinker at Denise's. I am so sad. Jeff had a dream that she went kicking and screaming, swearing and saying all kinds of hateful things, when being put into a nursing home. It is getting time. Isn't it odd how someone can be quite wonderful physically and their mind just leaves them? Alzheimer's has left my mom a completely different person. There is no understanding this disease...just patience and acceptance. I am still working on both of those!
Well, all is well. The kitties made it through the little vacation from us with flying colors. We were all so excited to be back together.
Hallelujah to ya!!!!! Cindy used to say that all the time when she was happy or excited about something.
I saw some sandels on sale in the advertisements this weekend. They were quite a good price. I wanted to call all of my nieces and nephews and get sizes and buy them some! I wish we could do more. We sure love them.
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