So, here I am (this is Jeff by the way). Yesterday, April 12th was the 3rd month that I have been out of work. Time goes really quickly when you're doing nothing. It's been a rough ride so far but Cherie and I have managed as well as can be expected - thanks to friends and some family. It's not fun nor easy being out of work. I used to think that when people were on long sick leaves or out of work that it must be nice to not have to work. I was wrong. It's depressing, boring, sad and just plain frustrating. At first it was nice to have a few days off but after that it has been nothing but worry. Worry about money, food, electricity, etc. The list could go on. We've been down to very little food and have had challenges with other things as well. We haven't been out to eat or done anything fun that requires money for months now. We were never really that much into going out but the option was there, now it isn't. That's hard. I will occasionally go to a drive-thru and get a soda but my mind will inevitably go to the fact that even this teenager waiting on me has a job and I don't. Being over-qualified for some jobs is also an oxymoron. I mean if you're qualified, you're qualified, right? Having a degree helps but it's no guarantee of anything unless you happen to be a nurse or doctor. There are jobs by the dozens for those people. I would even venture to say that being a nurse is more advantageous then being a doctor at this point. Life just sucks right now. Sorry to all of you PMA-er's out there - that's "positive mental attitude-ers" for those not sure what those initials stood for. It's hard to keep a "positive attitude" when you don't even hear from anyone. I apply on-line constantly, I email and even call those that will allow it and yet nothing. NOTHING! No one responds at all. I mean it's like I have the plague or I'm giving out the wrong email address or phone number. I'm tired of this impersonal way of doing business. It does save on gas and having to run here and there but it also allows the companies to just ignore you, too. We're ignored so much anymore. I warned you that this was going to be depressing. I wasn't kidding. I am so frustrated and tired of being without employment that I'm even willing to consider jobs that start me at what I was making 10 or more years ago!!!!! Can you believe that? It's like I never worked at all. On a positive note, I will say that I am glad to be out of church employment. I hated that job. I did it for ten years but now it's like I was never even there. Honestly, for being the "church" it really sucks how they treat you. I would warn anyone to have anything to do with LDS church employment or LDS Social Services for that matter, but don't get me started on that either. I will have to paste another warning label for that topic! I went to BYU, worked on campus most of the time and should have known better about working for the "church", but it was a better paying job then the one I had before, so I took it with the hopes of moving up. That lated approximately three years and then that whole idea went down the drain. What is wrong with me? Why do these things keep happening to me? I know I sound like I'm having a pity-party and maybe I am, but what do I keep on doing wrong? Please don't say it has anything to do with the Lord testing me and refining me because I will scratch your eyes out. Believe me, I have been refined more than most people I know and I'm sick of it. I realize I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I have tried to be a good person and yet everywhere I turn for the last 10 to 20 years it has been nothing but heartache and loss. I am sick of being happy for everyone else. When is it my turn? When do I get to have my rewards or my share of good luck or fortune or whatever you want to call it? HUH? WHEN? OH well. I'm venting and I'm sure most of you don't care. Everyone I know keeps on telling me a good job will come my way. I appreciate the support - I really do, but I just think, how do you know this? So, I'm a nice guy - big deal. Haven't you all heard the saying...'nice guys finish last'? Thats me - last place all the time. Well, this is the end of the rant. I'm tired and tired of it, too. Thanks for listening or being brave enough to read this. It could have been much worse actually but I'm sparing the most sordid thoughts and details. Unfortunately Cherie has to put up with those.
2 comments:
Well we do care, and I now know it does suck to loose a job after investing so much time and effort to only get a "been nice knowing ya" and a gentle nudge out the door.
I know exactly how you feel only under different circumstances. I'm sure you know what I mean. If not, ask Cherie.
You lament and lament and your friends tell you something positive about yourself, but good works and abilities don't pay the bills.
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