Lost In Reflection

I am reflecting on the past...the goals I had many years ago.   I am NOT what I had thought I would be by this age.   I am not the woman, the wife, the employee, the sister, mother, daughter and many others I thought I would be.    Life has gone very fast.  I can't say I have ANY regrets...no time for that...however, I would have liked to have one check mark on at least one of my major goals from my younger years.   Actually, I guess I do have ONE.   I am married to a wonderful man.   He keeps me going forward.   Gotta keep up with him...I can't haha.   I appreciate him so much.    
So as I have been lost in reflection of things today I am eternally grateful for the knowledge I have of eternity.   I am grateful I have more time to be who I am to be.   Sometimes it may seem impossible, however, with the help of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, family and good friends, I believe I will make it!   Thanks to all of you who haven't given up even tho I definitely have great room for improvement.   Also, thanks to those who see and know who I am when you can't see it!   (Upon looking in the mirror, I hope I am not ONLY who you see looking at me.   I do NOT feel at all inside how I look outside...weird...just another thing I try to  work on)
I think of The Portrait of Dorian Gray--A corrupt young man somehow keeps his youthful beauty, but a special painting gradually reveals his inner ugliness to all.--My ugliness seems to stay right out here for the whole world to see.   It is curious to me how I can still feel the pain of each and every pound I have gained.   It has not been a good thing.   I am sorry for those who have to see it.   God bless those who struggle in this way...it isn't pretty. 
   
I have forced myself to get out into the world.  It is much harder than even I thought it would be.   I am striving to work a couple days a week...have the best person to work with/for.   I am grateful for the growth I have felt.   Maybe one day...full time?   Hopefully, this can't be all there is to life??