Dancing King

I already wrote a little while ago and said I didn't have anything to say, then proceeded to talk about germs and the flu. Well, since then, I have thought of something to write about!
I have a radio on my desk at work and it plays quietly all day long. I enjoy the variety of music and listen to a station that is work friendly, but stills plays current songs. Well, there is this one song that has been on for a while that I love. It's called..."Say Hey (I love you)" by Michael Franti and Spearhead. The song has a reggae beat to it and I love it. I find myself swaying and yes, even sometimes rolling my head, shaking my shoulders and even doing a bit of dancing in my chair. Now, my boss is in the next office and there is a door that separates us so he can't see me. I know one day I'm going to be caught in the full act of dancing! I can't help it, the beat is so great and I just can't seem to stop my body from moving. I've always been this way. I love music and love to dance. I'm not much into formal dancing but love to just move rapidly and with no inhibitions. While I was in college I took a ballroom dance class for one semester. I wasn't too thrilled with it. The moves were explicit and you had to hold your body tightly sometimes and the whole thing was rather stuffy to me. I enjoy dancing but that was not my particular forte. The next semester, wanting to continue experimenting, I signed up for a jazz dance class. I had found my niche! I loved it. I had so much fun learning the many moves and expression that go along with dancing like that. I had always wanted to be on Broadway and these were many of the moves I imagined were in the productions of "Cats", "A Chorus Line" and many others. It was exactly up my alley. Well, my instructor also owned a private dance studio in Orem and she was putting together a company to work on a cruise ship the upcoming Summer. Believe it or not, I tried out and made it. I think I made it because they needed men, but it was thrilled to me nonetheless. I rehearsed with them for several weeks and we were getting rather good but then I decided to "chicken" out and quit. I think I was afraid of not having or making enough money and there were a lot of individual costs that went into it. That has always been my biggest shortcoming - fear. I have always "feared" things - I think that's why I've never done anything with my life, but I digress.
Dancing was so much fun for me. The next Fall, the music theater program at school was auditioning for "Oklahoma". I had been taking vocal lessons along with my dance lessons and figured this might be a good chance to try my hand at musical theater. I made it to the final and was cut. To this day I think I was cut because I was blonde. Believe it or not, I had my hair frosted a week or two before the auditions and I was blonde - I mean Billy Idol blonde. It looked good but I think it made me stand out too much and I was going for the chorus. You have to blend in to be in the chorus. I was really disappointed after making it so far in the audition process. One of the directors warned us that we could be cut for something as minute as hair color, height or presence because they had a good cast to choose from. I was also preparing at that time to audition for the Young Ambassadors - that is a singing and dancing group from BYU. They were traveling to Europe for their yearly tour and I wanted to be a part of that so badly. I didn't make that either. What a time in my life. I was auditioning, singing and dancing right and left. No pun intended! I wanted to make sure I took advantage of what college had to offer so I would be a well-rounded actor/dancer/singer. I grew up watching old movies where it seemed that everyone sang and danced as well as acted. It seemed important to me to be, at the very least, acquainted with these various skills.
To look at me today you would never think I used to do all of those things but I was in rather good shape back then and did many other things to keep myself in shape. Aerobics was big with me, too. I loved moving around to the music in that work out genre. It was basically dancing to get in shape. BYU used to have these massive aerobics classes in the evenings in the Smith Fieldhouse. There had to be hundreds of people there moving to the music. I had so much fun doing those things. I think I should have just gone to an artists school rather than a four year college sometimes. ha.
So, dancing has been a big part of my life. Sometimes to this day I just cut loose and will dance to whatever is playing - Christmas music, rock, country - you name it. If it has a good beat, I'm there...'see that boy, watch that scene, dig in the dancing king!'

Rainy, wet and cold...

Cherie asked me to write something on our blog because she's tired of the one that is currently showing. So, here I am. It is a rainy Friday morning and I'm at work slaving away. Yeah, right! I'm not really sure what to "blog" about but I heard this morning that a young girl in our church has come down with the H1N1 Flu. Scary. It's hitting closer and closer to home. I don't know what is wrong with calling it "swine" flu? It was much easier to say and write. Do you ever wonder why we have to be so 'politically correct' all the time? Was or is it political correctness that switched the name? I'm not really sure, but it just seems so much more technical sounding. Maybe it's considered progression to use these types of names for things now? I'm not sure.
That really isn't what I wanted to write about but it was what was on my mind. We printed up a bunch of flyers to leave for families to pick up at church that list the various symptons of this flu. It also lists things to help prevent it. Basically, wash your hands! I do have to say that Cherie and I both are good hand washers. We are careful with a lot of things in our home because when you deal with someone with Alzheimer's who doesn't always, well, let's just say, isn't the most hygenic you begin to learn to be more careful. I have to say that one of my biggest issues is having sticky or dirty hands. I'm not sure where it comes from but anything on my hands that I can feel shouldn't be there bugs me. Growing up, our dad used Lysol on EVERYTHING! I mean EVERYTHING! I cannot stand the smell of the original Lysol spray. I'm not even sure they make it with that scent now? I'm glad. It was almost insulting the way he would spray the couch after someone had come for a visit. It was like they were filthy or germ-filled. I felt badly for them even though they had no idea. I don't think he's that way with it now, but I'm not sure.
The fact of the matter is, we live on this planet with lots and lots of germs. Some of them we need for our health or well-being and others like this virus can literally kill us. It's an amazing thing our planet and its defense systems. So, that's it. My blog today is about germs and the flu. Boy, wasn't that fun!

HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok , this will be short, once again, because I am just not liking sitting here in front of the computer. I have had a loss in my life, not being able to have children. It has been the sadness which will not go away...however, in the last week, I believe I have gotten a taste of the pain I may have had with childbirth. It started on Monday and through Friday morning I have had about 50 hours of labor pains...not really...but some kind of pain...the doctors and nurses and I (and others) believe it is gall bladder problems. I have had pain in my life...I mean, I fell down and messed my ankles up all the time as a child and young adult...broke my leg, had many other painful illnesses and incidences...this is HORRENDOUS!!!! I can' t believe I have lived through it...I know I sound overly dramatic... and I also know anyone who has had the pain and not known what it is or when it will stop completely understands me. I don't want to have a baby. I have had my childbirth for a lifetime. I have had test after test and now have to wait until Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My doctor is off on Friday...hopefully, I will get the results and I can't believe I saying this...but hopefully I will get to have surgery and "GET THIS THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It is horrible.
Now on a good note, because you all know me...I try and see the positive. I have lost some weight because I have had nothing but crackers and a little broth since Tuesday...hahaha.
Well, today I am trying rice with chicken boullion...wish me luck!
I just want to say to all my friends out there who have had a baby. I am so sorry. If I have had anywhere near the pain you have had to have a baby, again, I am so sorry! I love you and empathize with you more than you can know.

Boredom, Blues and Bifocals

Summer has always been my least favorite season. I'm sure there are a few gasps out there and you're thinking...how can someone not like the warm summer season. Well, I don't. Never have. I think a lot of it has to do with growing up in a trailer where using any form of air cooler was not allowed. Yes, it is true, we were not even allowed to use fans in our house. Living in a metal box was bad enough but add to that the usual humid weather of West Virginia and the stifling heat without any movement and you have a recipe for disaster. I won't go into the dysfunctional aspects of why we were not allowed to use a fan because that is part of my weekly therapy! Honestly, though, it was horrible. Add to that mowing a yard that was nothing but hills with a push mower and there you have my summers growing up. Grooming our yard growing up was something out of a torture 101 book. Lonnie and I were basically tortured for a complete day - from morning until nightfall. It began with mowing, which was my job, being the oldest. Next came trimming (with hand held trimmers) and raking - Lonnie's job. I love my brother, but back then, he was slower than molasses in January at raking. I know he hated it as much as I did but I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose because neither of us could quit until the whole yard was done. Of course there was inspection time, too. I hated trimming. I would be on my hands and knees for what seemed like hours trimming around every single tree, rock, fence line, porch, etc. All the while, Lonnie would be making hundreds of piles of grass throughout the yard. After he was done raking then he had to use the wheelbarrow to pick up those piles and take them to an area on either end of our huge yard and pile them up in the areas on the hill that we let go wild. Of course there were the occasional times when we would pile the wheelbarrow too high and it would come falling out while we were traversing one of the many hills. I hated this job more than anything else. Let me paint an even brighter picture for you (note the sarcasm). I am of Irish and Scottish descent. I have light hair (blondish/red when I was younger) and am pale. I mean the kind of pale that doesn't tan. I burn, peel and then turn bright white again. There are parts of my body (legs and stomach) that will not tan at all - or even burn much. They literally reflect the sun back! With that information, you can imagine how well I handled the hot, summer sun beating down on me. Not well! Did I mention that even though the rest of me would be mostly white the back of my neck would burn like dry leaves in a forest fire! It was painful. I don't sweat heavily either - never have. I glisten! ha. Really, I do. So, I would get sick. I mean really sick. There would be nausea, dizziness and in some cases fainting. Looking back I'm sure I suffered from heat stroke. Of course having a father who would not let us in the house because he was convinced that I was faking it didn't help. I honestly think he just wanted us away from him. It was awful. Are you getting the picture now?
Well, my summers over the years haven't improved much. I don't hate them as much because as I went out on my own I made sure I found better ways to keep myself cool. I cannot sleep in hot weather. If I'm hot, I will just lay there and swelter. During my days in college I lived in an apartment complex that was supposed to have air conditioning but honestly, it hardly worked. I did have a good friend whose apartment was on the bottom floor and it seemed to be much better down there. I did have some nice summers with my friends out West.
Today, summer has become something of a difficult season. Without fail, the last several years has brought many trials during the summer months. So, there still isn't much of a reason to like summer. I'm always glad when I can begin to see September coming. Even though it is still technically summer through most of September, I consider it Fall/Autumn. I have to - that is how I get through August. September brings my birthday, too.
This brings me to the "blues" part of my title. I turn 44 in a few weeks. I love the number 44. I always have. I remember being four years old and having a sweatshirt with the number 44 on it. I have always liked the number 4 for some reason. It just looks like a nice number, doesn't it? Well, being 44 and liking the number are two completely different things. By this age I expected to have at least one Academy Award on my mantle and a slew of great movies or television shows behind me. I'm not even close. Never have been. My dream was washed out years ago. I guess I'm having a mid-life crisis along with everything else. Joy. Not! You do begin to access your life at certain points and boy do I fail miserably. People often want me to come to reunions or to family get togethers. I think...what for? I have nothing of interest to share in my life. I've done nothing. I really hate my job. I want to find something else really badly but it's a hard time for anyone to find work. I thought this job would be a beginning for me of better things. It hasn't. I think it's just me. See, the blues are not fun. When people sing the blues, they are singing because if they didn't, they would want to kill themselves! Feeling horrible about yourself is one thing but having the blues on top of it is really dangerous. Summer and the blues - what a combination. Hopefully Fall will bring with it some new things. I can only hope. I haven't really gone into great detail here and I won't because, well, to be honest, I don't want to. I've been accused of writing long posts anyway, and this one is already headed that way so I'll just say that I have the blues. For such a nice color, blue is a really awful emotion. I wanted to say something wise and meaningful in this post but my brain fails me. I guess the point is, life has its ups and downs. I'm ready for my ups.
To top it all off, this summer I've begun needing bifocals to read at work! Life is just full of surprises and crap!