LIFE SUCKS, THEN YA DIE!

Praying is easy and endearing.  I love the Lord and my Heavenly Father...understanding what They tell me isn't as easy as I thought, I guess.   I believe sometimes maybe my faith has been fake and I thought it was real.   Not what I believe, but what I feel...I have thought I have had MANY spiritual experiences and answers to prayers.   Many of my prayers in the recent past seem as though I have misunderstood the answers.   I believe I have received answers to deeply sought questions and to my chagrin (after following my heart, mind and the Spirit) my actions on those answers have seemed to have been wrong????   I am at a loss.   I do really really try to do my very best to follow the truths I know.   The problem isn't what I believe...I know there have been struggles in the last so many years in  my life...however, I do not feel as though I have walked backward so far I can't remember how to communicate with my Father in Heaven.   This is actually terribly frightening to me.  I feel alone and don't believe the Lord or Heavenly Father would leave me...however, I don't feel I have walked away from Them either?
I remember the scripture...I will prove them herewith to see if they will follow all the commandments which I the Lord giveth them...     I know before I write this next statement...it is  childish...I am so tired of being proved...I know no matter what...I can't be perfect...however, I am feeling overwhelmed and don't seem to be good enough for anyone...and I mean, anyone...earthly or heavenly.    And now, the one action I felt I could always depend on seems to be messed up...and I DO believe Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are perfect...so...the action must be the fault of me???
So as a friend of mine told me one time...  Life Sucks, Then Ya Die.
I just want to endure to the end.